There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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