Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
