I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
