Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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