she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
