I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
