I am midnight drunk by noon
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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