Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
