My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
did you just send me my own nude
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
