I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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