I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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