It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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