I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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