Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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