You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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