bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
