just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
did i walk over a car last night?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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