I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
