he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
