So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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