I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
