even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
