He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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