My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
