ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
