ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
