; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
