So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
