Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
