If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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