So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
