i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
