Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
