Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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