Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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