I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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