the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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