Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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