I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
