never play flip cup with pint glasses
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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