hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
