And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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