dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
