You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize