He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am naked and annoyed.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
