Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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