walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
