I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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