Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
