He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
