dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
