I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
