I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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