I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
